At some point, you have felt the depth of loneliness when seated in the abys of disappointment about life, specifically about how your life is or has turned out to be. It is not as you had envisioned it years back, only months ago, or even days and hours ago. But here you are, things just didn’t seem to work out. And you now have to start all over again. It’s a dark and dreary lonely world. Got stop you here. This may sound familiar, in your mind, but it is not the real truth or reality. I have been here, many time, and I am certain I am not the only one who has been and moved forward from here, too.

There is nothing in this life I can ever experience in isolation. Before you jump the gap into the worst case scenario, hear me out. When I have sat in that emotional place where all that I can see and feel is doom, it has felt lonely. Not because of what has happened. That was just the onset. Like that tiny appetizer at the start of a feast. It tickled my tummy and got me excited, but it is not what I need to satisfy the hunger I feel. So, what happened was just the start. The emotional isolation, the place of doom and loneliness was created by what I thought and kept thinking about what happened and feeling more deeply and intensely as a result. I kept narrating a mental story that plunged pain deeper and deeper inside me until I started experience suffering. Even though I am doing things in the world that made me appear as having moved on from that situation or person, I find myself stills seeking what I didn’t get back them. I seek it in my work, my intimate and social relationships, my search for more accomplishments and achievements, my addictive patterns to numb and cope, and whatever else I use to say I am doing fine. All in search of love, belonging, and security. It wasn’t until learned to be intentionally aware of what was happening in me when I experienced something, whether it was “good or bad,” that I began to open myself up to either questioning why I was thinking or feeling a certain way or doing what could help me feel differently. Thinking was never going to be enough to get my out of that emotional doom. It was a tiny part to getting myself into the light. Once I had the insight, I needed to do something with that knowledge.

We do so much to get love and be loved by others. Yet, when invited to be kind towards ourselves its like being asked to drain blood out of a stone. Why is that? I wasn’t always this way. We knew from conception what we needed to survive and thrive. We continued to know and unapologetically seek this, out of love for ourselves after birth. We cried/communicated when we were hungry and physically uncomfortable or feelings unsafe. We dozed off when we were tired. We reached out when we wanted warm and nurturing touch or closeness to our attachment figure. We acted in many other ways to get what we needed and also wanted so we might have joy. We knew we were born to have joy. And nothing else.

What do you think after reading this? What do you notice happening inside of you as these words are being digested in your mind?

The way we are loved supports the development of our ability to connect meaningfully to others. Our ability to connect meaningfully impacts how we feel and think about ourselves, other people, and our world/environment. Is this even more reason to learn to love and connect with yourself in a meaningful way? Love yourself, again. The way you know but need to relearn after so many moments that lead you to unlearn this way of being in the world, with yourself, and with others. You can start with the smallest action. Noticing. Noticing you or a need you have. Noticing how you are sitting and feeling seated this way. Notice how you are breathing – shallow, deeply, slow, fast or restricted. Just notice you and your inner world/states of being/physical sensations/emotions and feelings.

Be kind.
There is a child in all of us needing and wanting to be loved, seen and heard.

Be kind.
There is a child inside of me, too,
And when I learn to love myself, I will gain the knowledge, wisdom, and experience to love others outside of me. too.
Then, I can extend what I now know to them to learn to do the same for themselves.

Be Kind.
We don't outgrow these basic needs.
We only grow more and evolve into the divine beings we are because of them.

by Hanat Balimuttajjo

You, too are Somebody and Somebody’s Child

Step toward being kinder.

STEP 1: Find a picture of you before the age of 10. Look at it and try noticing that little being’s innate qualities that they were born with. Your eyes, stance or posture, the activity you were engaged in, and such can give you a clue and help you remember. Do you have a cheeky side showing in your smile or kindness in your expression?
Place in the mirror or by your mirror the picture you are most drawn to and can see the innate traits in you without judgement of your younger version or yourself.

STEP 2: Each day, take a moment to notice that younger version and tap into at least one of those innate traits or qualities you see, mirror this in yourself reflection of you today.

STEP 3: In moments of discomfort, frustration, disappointment, or distress, notice what you might be thinking or saying about yourself.

What might this little one be feeling hearing these being said about them?

Look at the situation/interaction again. Check the facts. What actually happened? What was actually said versus you think you heard or interpreted to be what was meant?

What can you do about it now? Once you take this action, what will think or feel in a nurturing and caring way towards yourself?

Discover how you can identify and take steps towards conquering self-sabotaging patterns, expose the underlying lies and start to overcome the limiting beliefs associated with them. Click here to complete the saboteur assessment and read more about it to get started.

#loveislove #healingjourney #mentalhealthmatters #saboteurs #mentalfitness #growthmindset #positiveintelligence